I had to wear my hair like this, this evening because my fringe was doing a weird thing. I hated it, but turns out I really like it now and think I might wear it like this more often. Tonight was music filled adventures with Penner, and they are always fun. Tomorrow and Monday are also music filled adventures with Penner, and the addition of Danayeal and Caitlin. Can we just talk about how I get to see Ellie Goulding and Bastille. AH. The second photo is my new favourite face to pull in snapchat photos. Both of these photos are in black and white because my parents told me I look disgusting (due to illness), and this was before the removal of my small amount of makeup. Charming.
Have a nice bank holiday
x
I have an exam in 8 hours and 15 minutes time. This means I have 8 hours and 15 minutes to learn 57 double sided cue cards that I just finished about two hours ago. Hahaha nope. Wondering why I put myself through education. What is my life right now.
I’m having a life crisis, but that’s just how it goes. Holla.
Also, I really love Imagine Dragons.
Operation: Beat Public Affairs starts tomorrow.
Sometimes I get a sudden urge to write something, and then I brush it off. I can’t seem to write anything without hitting the backspace anymore, and everything I do write seems too structured. Too forced. This is one of the first times in a while where I’m just writing, and writing, and writing, and doubting every word. I can’t seem to stop doubting things lately.
My writing, being a main thing. It’s academic and too structured and too forced, also. I can’t seem to create the stories I want to when I put my pen to paper or my fingertips to keys. I see those who give no effort and come out with a masterpiece, yet I try until my head is full of words and nothing comes out. It’s like a constant block. Not even just a writing one, as my writing, is much like my life. Fixed, in one place. Bound by things I have no control over, or I do, and I’m just too scared to take action. I’m going through the motions and I don’t even know what that means anymore. I’m stressing about exams that mean nothing, and a degree that I’ve just lost interest in, though I’m not really sure it was there in the first place.
I read something recently about not being afraid to let the light in, because by trying to block out the dark you’re restricting yourself from the things that are good. It makes me wonder how much good I’ve let go, but how much I’ve protected myself from. I’m always at battle with myself.
I have a constant urge to meet new people. Yet I’m often disappointed when the people I meet are not like I expect. I guess that makes me selfish, but at the same time I guess it’s my own fault for thinking too much about other people. I guess I’m just too structured, too forced, and too doubtful. Maybe it’s about time I become unstuck from the one thing that I have control of, myself.
This picture is from last week.
Today has been productive, and productive is good. My project is official and stuff now, and I have a new shiny email address. Can we just launch already? I’m getting way too impatient and I’m rubbish at secrets.
I have also done my shorthand work and revised a chapter of public affairs. By chapter, I basically mean write 5 cue cards about what the Queen does. I wish I was kidding. Magazine Design + Production work has been started too, I have successfully completed one page. 19 to go.
I have my full magazine plus an essay, plus six exams and a load of revision to do. Venture’s May issue has my favourite interview so far in it, but it’s nowhere near done :(
So much work, so little time but I’m still absolutely loving my life. I think it’s the suns fault.
Can we just talk about how I feel like I’m going to d i e.
Also, today, but technically tomorrow (Friday, for what it’s worth), is my one of many deadline days and I have already submitted all of my work, wooo. It’s all terrible, but it’s submitted so let’s just focus on t h a t.
I have about 25 billion things on my to-do list that need accomplishing this weekend though, and I just can’t see that going well. Why does public affairs exist and why is shorthand so difficult? I don’t even know how to write difficult in shorthand.
Anyway hi Tumblr, my weekend is gonna be hella busy and I think I’m going be here for a while so that’s fun. However I am going to get really trashed tomorrow and it is gonna be good, ok.
Look what turned up early. Should we release it today instead?
This is my face. Yo!
I really hate it when I’m sick. I’m trying to write stuff and it’s just not making any sense. This is the only time I wish my riddles made sense to other people.
I took this photo last week, and I’ve basically just decided to write about what I’ve been up to because I’m procrastinating. This is also being written out to the sound of Miley & Snoop Lion’s new song, so there’s that.
I’ve been off from university for exactly two weeks now, and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. On the Friday, I did all of my shorthand work and on Saturday I went to a family party. Sunday and Monday were filled with birthday celebrations for Penner, which were grand. On the Tuesday, Thursday and Good Friday I spent forever working on my Public Affairs project. On Wednesday I went to the gym, and on the Saturday I went shopping with my Mam. I bought ice cream because it was sunny for the first time in so long, I even wore sunglasses. On Easter Sunday I went for a meal with some friends from school, and then went for drinks afterwards. Monday I spent all day doing Venture work, and I stayed up until 5am to get everything done. On Tuesday, I went for drinks and then for food. All you can eat Chinese buffets are actually the death of me. On Wednesday I went to the dentist and he told me I have to cut down my sugar intake dramatically because I still have a few baby teeth and I’m wrecking them. Now I can’t have sugar in my tea. And now we are here. It’s 00:09am on Thursday.
I am feeling very productive, hence this post. I also wrote it because I am quite forgetful, and sometimes I’m scared that I’ll get Alzheimer’s when I’m older. I don’t think there is a scarier disease than that.
I got an email back today saying my Public Affairs project is all wrong, and now I’m waiting for a second email from my tutor to tell me how to fix it. I also have an essay to write which is impossible to find sources for. I have a news story and a video story to do too, except I can’t do them because there is nothing interesting in my town. I also have a 20 page magazine to do, and Venture’s April issue. I’m also launching a new company in July.
At the moment I feel like I’m working hard, but only 5% is on the things that truly matter to me. University work seems so pointless, and I also can’t do it until my lecturers email me back.
This has been a long post, and I’m not tired but I just felt like writing something on here.
I ordered the wrong size stickers for my new project. I’ve written a sentence of an essay, and I’m just really damn happy that it’s sunny. Follow me on Twitter, @bekkacollins
